Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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