if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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