I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
