hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
3pm strippers are depressing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
