We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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