Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
