PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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