Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
