oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't turn off my feet"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
