Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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