Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
