u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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