so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
