its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
