God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
