Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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