I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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