The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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