how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
