i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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