if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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