He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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