areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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