So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
