Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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