Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
