My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
