shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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