Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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