hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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