He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
