I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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