I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
