he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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