I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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