I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
