you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We have started to decorate penises.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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