i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dignity is for republicans.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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