I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
