I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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