just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
