my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
