The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize