It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
