Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
