GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
