i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
