Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
