I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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