We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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