it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
