You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
