I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
