sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
