I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
