i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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