so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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