I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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