You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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