So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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