Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
