Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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