then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
