he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize