Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
