so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
