Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
