who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
