The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
